"ophelia, pt. I"
since birth i have felt an invisible chain dragging me into the ocean, and pulling me into the nearest body of water like a cold, wet hand. at one time i was but a screaming newborn, submerged under water was the ultimate betrayal. hands around my neck, fresh from out of the womb with barely any time to breathe in the air.
((( are you there? // well, are you reading this? // through your eyes --- am i just a lamb? // heart bleeding, just another sacrifice to god? // are you leaving, will you lead me on the way? )))
body of water, like my body made of water. i can feel the waves rising in my heart and a violent tempest swelling all around, how should i stay still when the moon is pulling me in all of these directions ???
((( there's a dead body in that water but you'll still keep swimming )))
"ophelia, pt. II"
in the recesses of my youth i recall a dream i once had in which i was on a boat admist an ocean, however the ocean was my bathtub and the boat was a rubber duck.
i was trapped in the vast expanse of blue and walls of white deep in the distance that stretched out as far as my conscious could conjure. and the only way out was to jump into the water and start swimming towards the bottom. but all i could do was to slowly sink into the thalassic abyss.
while i descended it felt like i was in a place that i had been before, like a place that i had resided for a hundred million years, before i could ever remember and faint vignettes started to dance around in my head. when i finally reached the bottom i pulled the plug out and and it all collapsed in on itself.
nothing was left and i woke up with a faint, lingering memory of a lifetime spent circling the drain.
"human (just like you)"
if i died now would you bury me underneath this telephone pole so i could forever hear you speak? my amalgous body feels like an absence of space, when you dont look me in the eyes, is it the glow that you fear?
for the sky that gave off a hum of electricity and crackled like a geiger counter, i wish to one day be washed away in this bay. blinking lights in the black of the night sky is the only language i understand.
i am the microscope and the subject. at night im the walking fuzz. when i entered unto this world i was all wrapped up in plastic. i crave a form that you could touch.
however...
if the natural world will overrun this city and all of these unnatural feelings; you and i will no longer connected by a wire in the ground, then it will be something much more cosmic.
laying upon rustling wet leaves, i will rinse my sins with saltwater. i will be the sliding of the string. no longer unravelling, i want to be human just like you.